5 Desserts That Think Too Highly of Themselves

Here are five desserts that are too fancy for their own damn good.

After booking reservations months in advance, it’s finally date night, and you’ve just wrapped a lovely dinner out with your significant other. You’re replete but may have some room left for something sweet. The server comes over and hands you a dessert menu. Without a glance, I bet you could guess a handful of the “exquisite” choices that must be on the menu.


Taste my pretension. Taste it!

As I sweat through my sweets hangover from yesterday’s National Dessert Day, here are five desserts that are too fancy for their own damn good.

1. Tarts


More snack than dessert, amirite?

There is nothing a tart delivers that pie can’t do better. Want a mini tart? Have a slice of pie. Mini tarts are pies for children and commitment-phobes. While their principal differences can be narrowed down to slight variances in the crusts, you’ll always be happier after pie.

Alternative: Pie. Any pie. The crust will be richer, and the fruit, sweeter.

2. Flan


Eat quickly before it melts. Or don’t.

I’ll give flan this – it’s fun to watch. Especially when it’s moving and jiggling about. Unfortunately, the flavor just isn’t there. The sweet syrup that coats its eggy, spongy body is really what makes flan delicious – but it would make anything delicious.

Alternative: There is nothing quite like flan, but gelato or an ice cream sundae would easily get the job done.

3. Macarons


Real cookies have curves.

Let me get this straight. If presented with warm, moist, freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, would you really take a macaron instead?

We might be enamored by their photogenic beauty, but when did we start treating desserts like models? Blame Instagram.

Alternative: Pick nearly any other cookie. So long as it’s fresh and soft, it will be better.

4. Tiramisu


Say what you will, ladyfingers are amazing.

Tiramisu had to have been created by accident. Some Italian was dipping a ladyfinger in their espresso when suddenly they dropped it in a cake they were preparing. Sure the flavor is surprisingly mild, but worth the creation of a whole new dessert? Not so much.

Alternative: Coffee cake, with a side of espresso – and maybe a ladyfinger for dunking.

5. Chocolate Soufflés


So much work to make. But worth it?

Yes, soufflés are daunting, delicate, and time-consuming, but does that make them superior to any other cake or pastry? No. No, it doesn’t. Soufflés are the food equivalent of magicians. It’s a lot of theatrics and misdirection, but ultimately just show.

Alternative: Brownie sundae. You get the warmth from the brownie with the gooeyness of melted ice cream. A win all around.