As a kid growing up in the '90s, grocery shopping often served as a form of torture.
While even now box after colorful box continues to light up the cereal aisle like unicorn poop, kindling our childhood id like Christmas morning, the cereals back then had a certain je ne sais quoi. We’ll call it, excess sugar.
That decade was a glorious time for breakfast cereals when fat was evil, and sugar was completely acceptable. Ah, good times.
Since they don’t make them like they used to, let us waxing nostalgic on six of our favorites.
Introduced: 1994 Still Available? Only in South Korea.
“You mean I can eat Oreos for breakfast?!” was probably the thought on every kid’s mind when these babies made their debut.
The little chocolate loops came with white chocolate specks and chunks of what was assumedly Oreo creme. Imagine all the kinds of insane dessert creations that would have spawned if these were still around …
Introduced: 1994 Still Available? Only in dreams.
Pop-Tarts are maybe the world’s most perfect food, so it only makes sense that Kellogg’s would capitalize on it. You had the choice of two flavors: Frosted Brown Sugar Cinnamon or Frosted Strawberry. They were actually frosted because in the '90s that kind of excess was totally normal.
Reese’s Peanut Butter Puffs
Introduced: 1994 Still Available? Yes, but renamed Reese’s Puffs.
Every time you saw a bunch of kids on TV rapping in orange and yellow colored rooms, you knew it could only mean one thing: Reese’s Peanut Butter Puffs. The cereal consists of little balls covered in either peanut buttery chocolate or chocolatey peanut butter, to mimic the taste of their famed Reese’s Cups. And let’s agree, they certainly succeeded.
Cinnamon Mini Buns
Introduced: 1991 Still Available? Yes, they returned in 2010 as Cinnabon cereal.
Also known as “Mini Swirlz Cinnamon Buns,” these crunchy little cinnamon swirls both dazzled and confused us by blurring the line between dessert and breakfast. Why have one cinnamon roll when you could just as easily eat a few hundred of these little guys?
Introduced: 1977 Still Available? Yes.
Cookie Crisps are mainly tiny bite-size cookies posing as cereal. These suckers have been giving kids sugar highs for almost 40 years, but the best way to tell when someone ate them is by their mascot.
Jarvis the Wizard lasted until 1985 before being ousted by Cookie Crook and Officer Crumb. In 1997, Cookie Crook got a sidekick named Chip the Dog who stole the mascot crown. Finally in 2005, they gave Chip hormone therapy, and he grew into Chip the Wolf.
French Toast Crunch
Introduced: 1995 Still Available? Yes, General Mills resurrected it in 2014.
The holy grail of ‘90s cereals and probably of cereals in general—buttery, cinnamony-sweet mini French toasts that crunched with every bite.
God bless nostalgia as boxes have returned to shelves at certain locations. They’re scarce, but you just have to do your homework! General Mills, if you’re reading this, call me.