The adage goes that the quickest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but the truth is that you can win anyone over with the right snack.
For the strange, and possibly perverse loves in our lives, we’ve compiled the following list of eight exotic edibles that are sure to make an impression, and maybe fill you up a little bit, if you catch my drift.
1. Anatomically Correct Gelatin Heart Mold
Have another little piece of my heart, because, you know, there’s always room for jello. Whether you cast it in cherry or strawberry, these arteries are guaranteed to convey your amorous intentions—and pair brilliantly with whipped cream at the same time.
2. Chocolate Anus
Appropriately coming in at number two, the chocolate-cast anus is the best way to ask your lover to eat your ass without starting a fight. This cheeky present is both delicious and raunchy and might introduce new elements into your love making on Valentine’s night. Now that is one sweet-ass gift.
3. Kama Sutra Cookie Cutter Set
These gingerbread men and women have paired off to show you how to give your love the ride of their life. Just follow their bouncing balls to go through the A-B-Cs of S-E-X and enjoy a cinnamon-spiced cleanup once finished. Frosting not included.
4. Sexual Organ Pattern Toaster
We’re all burning with love, but this makes it clear what you plan to do about it. This gag gift will burn a pattern of your preferred sexual organ onto your lovers toast to start off Valentine’s Day by getting them to think about… you know… hehe hehe…
5. Candy Underwear
If you want to take your candy-coated libido all the way to the bedroom, don’t hesitate to put on candy necklace, panties, bikini or jock strap. As a bonus, it also doubles as floss for when your lover’s finished with the sweetest trip they ever took down south.
6. Realistic Meal Necklaces
Sometimes, though, the best way to ensure that you’re going to get some is with a little jewelry. For the fantastically bejeweled foodie in your life, try a realistic meal necklace to get your just desserts. Sushi platter…? I hardly know her! Other options include donuts, avocados, grilled cheese, macarons and many more.
7. Meat Flower Bouquets
For the carnivorous Casanova, nothing says I love you like a bouquet of smoked meats. And no, that’s not a euphemism for something disgusting. Wait, is it? Maybe? Either way, you’ll be sure to savor the love as you give them a blossoming bundle of salty deliciousness.
8. Pizza Box Proposals
For the true romantic looking to take their love to the next level, why not order a piping hot pie with a sprinkling of extra commitment? Whether you write “Will You Marry Me” on the inside of the box or hide a ring in a pound of dough, this is the best way to say “You’ve got a pizza my heart!”