How Donut Toppings Dictate Your Character

October 14, 2015

Whether you’d like to admit it or not, the donut in your mouth this very moment is an advertisement to the world. Like a human polygraph, we can read the most subtle of details, and based on your choice of fried doughy goodness, get into your head like a psychic*.

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Like happiness. Photo: Hirotomo T / Flickr

If these descriptions don’t describe who you are to a T, nothing will.

Plain

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Did the toppings fall off on the way to your mouth? Photo: T-mizo / Flickr

Nothing? There’s no diet in donut. Did you mean to order a bagel? Never trust an individual with a plain donut. They either know something you don’t or are utterly mad and could crack at any moment.

Powdered Sugar

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No need to dry off after this shower!

You have warm memories of childhood when you’d wake to find a box of donuts sitting on the kitchen table. As an adult, you’ve developed a strong work ethic and an appreciation for routine. This might be your breakfast every morning, but you look forward to it nonetheless.

Toasted Coconut

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Each bite is like a warm breeze.

You’ve become trapped in either a literal or metaphorical cubicle and need a vacation – somewhere with crystal clear water and drinks that come with umbrellas. While most see this as just a donut, you know it as a door to momentary escapes.

Glazed

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The perfect slightly above average student. Photo: Kenny Louie / Flickr

Mornings aren’t for you, but that doesn’t mean you can’t put your best foot forward. Glazed donuts are the B+ students of the donut world. They may not get the accolades of other donuts that try harder, but they are consistently solid, just like you.

Frosted Sprinkles

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The original fountain of youth. Photo: Tommy Chheng / Flickr :: You might technically be of adult age, but that doesn’t mean you’ve matured mentally. Whether it’s chocolate, pink, or some zanier frosting color, your childlike joy and wonder remains intact. No matter what kind of day you have, you enjoy putting smiles on the faces of others.

Bacon

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Get some bacon and put it in a donut. Photo: stu_spivack / Flickr

You tend to arrive late to any function and are the last to hear about the most recent goings on. The term “on fleek” will enter your vocabulary sometime next spring, but somehow you take it all in stride. Nobody orders a bacon donut twice.

Fruity Pebbles/Loops/Crunch

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The clown of breakfast pastries. Photo: Carolyn Coles / Flickr

You have a sunny disposition and a fondness for physical comedy. Humor is your armor and joy, your weapon of choice. No matter what happens in life, you always know a fresh day, and new opportunities await tomorrow.

Various Candy Bar

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Put all the candies! Photo: Ruth Hartnup / Flickr

Your sweet tooth knows no boundaries, and you live life just the same. When presented with options, you say “yes,” not because you can’t make decisions, but because you want to experience everything.

*We claim about as much accuracy as any psychic.