October 14, 2015
Whether you’d like to admit it or not, the donut in your mouth this very moment is an advertisement to the world. Like a human polygraph, we can read the most subtle of details, and based on your choice of fried doughy goodness, get into your head like a psychic*.
If these descriptions don’t describe who you are to a T, nothing will.
Nothing? There’s no diet in donut. Did you mean to order a bagel? Never trust an individual with a plain donut. They either know something you don’t or are utterly mad and could crack at any moment.
You have warm memories of childhood when you’d wake to find a box of donuts sitting on the kitchen table. As an adult, you’ve developed a strong work ethic and an appreciation for routine. This might be your breakfast every morning, but you look forward to it nonetheless.
You’ve become trapped in either a literal or metaphorical cubicle and need a vacation – somewhere with crystal clear water and drinks that come with umbrellas. While most see this as just a donut, you know it as a door to momentary escapes.
Mornings aren’t for you, but that doesn’t mean you can’t put your best foot forward. Glazed donuts are the B+ students of the donut world. They may not get the accolades of other donuts that try harder, but they are consistently solid, just like you.
You tend to arrive late to any function and are the last to hear about the most recent goings on. The term “on fleek” will enter your vocabulary sometime next spring, but somehow you take it all in stride. Nobody orders a bacon donut twice.
You have a sunny disposition and a fondness for physical comedy. Humor is your armor and joy, your weapon of choice. No matter what happens in life, you always know a fresh day, and new opportunities await tomorrow.
Various Candy Bar
Your sweet tooth knows no boundaries, and you live life just the same. When presented with options, you say “yes,” not because you can’t make decisions, but because you want to experience everything.
*We claim about as much accuracy as any psychic.