How To Trick-Or-Treat As A Quasi-Adult

There is that grey area between graduating and the time you settle into being a responsible adult (or at least faking it) where you have the opportunity to do whatever the hell you want.

Technically once you’ve turned 18 and are out of high school, you’re considered an adult. But there is that grey area between then and the time you settle into being a responsible adult (or at least faking it) where you have the opportunity to do whatever the hell you want.


No, but maybe they should?

Instead of heading out to friend’s place to drink an ungodly amount of Fireball while watching spectacularly awful horror movies, why not put your Trader Joe’s tote to good use?

Don’t fool yourself, trick-­or-­treating is for children, but isn’t Halloween the perfect opportunity to take a break from adulthood? For one night, follow these tips and let your inner child get the sugar high your adult body deserves.

1. Trick-or­-Treat For UNICEF


Real coins: not to be confused with chocolate coins.

If you’re not entirely convinced that you should go around begging for candy, why not do it for charity? You’ll have to join a local non­-profit organization’s team to get your hands on some of UNICEF’s well-recognized orange collection boxes.

Should you choose this route, don’t forego a candy bag or you’ll have your hands full. People strapped for cash will often try to make up for it in candy.

2. Don’t Go It Alone, Weirdo


… and maybe avoid costumes that will frighten the children. Photo (right): woodleywonderworks / Flickr

This advice should be obvious, but you’ll look super creepy approaching anyone’s house alone behind a gaggle of children.

Hitting the neighborhood with a small entourage sends a message to homeowners that you’re only out for nostalgia and sugar. Too large of a squad and you’re screaming, “We’re totally causing some property damage tonight.”

3. Ignore The Children. It’s Your Night.


The children may attempt to woo you. Stay strong.

It’s safe to assume parents are going to be keeping their eyes on you, which means it’s best to keep your distance and not attract too much attention – unless of course it’s because of one kick-ass costume.

Our best advice is just not to interact with them. You’re on a mission. Unless their lives are in peril, these adorable little distractions will only cost you time. Especially the lengthy conversations you’ll have with their parents on how fast they grow up.

4. Use Your Wheels To Reap The Most Rewards


Bonus points if you can deck your ride and make it fly.

Unless you live somewhere with exceptional public transportation, you or one of your friends acquired a car between high school and now.

Take advantage of it by hitting up those numerous wealthy neighborhoods, tackling that hilly part of town (which, for some reason, gives out way more king­-sized candy bars), and stowing your overflowing bags of type 2 diabetes.

Everyone knows the more candy you have; the fewer people are willing to give you. Play the pauper and reap the sweet rewards.

5. Be Authentically Scary


Authentic costumes shall be celebrated (with confetti).

After years of trying to have the funniest costume or show the most amount of skin, it’s time to take things up a notch and impress your friends by getting authentically spooky. Be a zombie, vampire, or IRS auditor and bring the screams back to Halloween.