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Oreo She Didn’t: I Tried All the Oreo Flavors & Lived to Eat the Tale

I am being paid to taste test the many myriad flavors of Oreos currently on the market.

The world forever changed in 1912. It was this year when the National Biscuit Company (now NABISCO) unveiled their “Oreo Biscuit” to America. An unassuming grocer in Hoboken, NJ was its first buyer. From thenceforth, the Oreo has been the best-selling cookie in America.

For over 100 years it has been positively SWEEPING the crumbs of lesser Chips Ahoy���s, Pepperidge Farm Milano’s, and other inferior cookies under the rug! What a feat for such a fickle public.

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Just taking a look under the cookie hood. Photo: Emily Alben

No one knows where the name “Oreo” came from though it is rumored to be from the Greek word, oros, which means “mountain" or "mound.” Oreo truly upped the game when the Double Stuf Oreo debuted in 1974. Once you’ve had Double Stuf, I see no reason ever to revert to original Oreos.

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Do try this at home. Photo: Emily Alben

Fast forward to 2016, where I am being paid to taste test the many myriad flavors of Oreos currently on the market. Love U, Father Time.

So scroll down to find out which Oreo’s got the right stuff. (Note: I wasn’t able to find their newest version, Filled Cupcake, but isn’t an Oreo already a filled cupcake in cookie form?)

9. Berry Flavor

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Mmm, bubblegum toothpaste. Photo: @kathleen.gsv / Instagram

This Orea was good if you love the taste of a toddler’s bubblegum-flavored toothpaste. 'Nuff said.

8. Mint Flavor

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Mmm, toothpaste. Photo: @gorogorolife / Instagram

If you prefer the taste of your adult toothpaste and have been wanting to eat it as dessert but you haven’t yet found a way to make that socially acceptable, this is your cookie.

7. Winter Flavor

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What are you up to, Oreo? Photo: Emily Alben

I couldn’t quite place what flavor this limited edition Oreo was trying to accomplish – it seemed to be a more subtle version of the peppermint with a hint of spruce or pine or maybe a reminiscent flavor of fruitcake? None of which is all that appetizing. Its festive and cheery red filling is fun but looks count for nothing in this test.

6. Peanut Butter Flavor

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There is some serious peanut power emanating from those cookies. Photo: @petjush / Instagram

This flavor, I assume, is for the dudes. I’ve yet to meet a guy that doesn’t love the mashup of chocolate and peanut butter. Oreo earns points for using actual peanuts, not just “peanut flavoring” (I checked the ingredient list, it’s real!) but because of the real peanuts in the cream-filling, it isn’t as smooth or porous or elegant. It’s sticky and thick and just not all that appetizing to my palate. But a valiant effort.

5. Peppermint Flavor

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It’s like Christmas came back for more! Photo: @ebrowniebites / Instagram

A far superior version than plain old mint, the peppermint flavor managed to capture an exciting burst of snowy air betwixt two thin cookies. I love all things peppermint, just as I love all things Christmas, so this was a solid winner for my palate, but not necessarily AMAZING (see: Golden Birthday Cake flavor).

4. Cinnamon Bun Flavor

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For some reason, I expected these to be darker in color. Photo: @sleep__all__day / Instagram

This flavor knocked it out of the PARK. A perfectly subtle cinnamon-tinged cream marbled with the traditional vanilla cream center, this Oreo was stupidly good when dunked in a cold glass of almond milk (I live in LA).

The aroma of just-baked cinnamon buns filled the room when I pulled back that smooth “Lift ‘n’ Seal” tab. Fake it til you don’t bake it with these Oreos.

3. Birthday Cake Flavor

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Preparing for the most delightful dunking session of her life. Photo: Emily Alben

In 2012, to honor Oreo’s 100th anniversary, they released a Birthday Cake flavored Oreo that performed so well, it is now a permanent flavor of Oreo (though they’ve since removed the “100” birthday imprint on the cookie, and it now boasts the regular trademarked Oreo label).

I practically sang and danced my way over to the Birthday Cake flavor immediately upon entry – as though there were any other options. A perfect mix of vanilla flour cake with the additional artificial sugar flavors of sprinkles. What’s not to love (if you have a palate penchant towards diabetes)?!?!

2. Golden Birthday Cake Flavor

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Perfect for your GOLDEN birthday, amirite? Photo: theimpulsivebuy / Flickr

Now this takes it up a notch. I’ll take a Golden Oreo over a traditional Chocolate Oreo any DAY. This cookie has the best of both: my favorite cream filling and my favorite biscuit flavor – light vanilla, slight crunch, complemented nicely by the filling.

The only thing that made this cookie better was removing the filling and placing the inner crème circle atop a soft Snickerdoodle cookie I had lying around (yes, I live in a similar cookie treehouse as the Keebler elves).

1. Traditional Double Stuf Oreo

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How about QUADRUPLE STUF Oreo?! Photo: Emily Alben

After all this rigorous taste-testing and waistband-expanding trial and tribulation, has the ORIGINAL Oreo flavor been dethroned? If pressed (by myself, in this very article), I’d venture to say the O.G. is neck and neck with the Golden Birthday Cake, and I know that’s only because of nostalgia.

The triumph of sharing Oreos with my dad is both a memory and an award that almost trumps my current palate, which genuinely prefers the Golden Birthday Cake flavor. Because you see, adulthood comes with the gift of being allowed to be paradoxical whenever I want.