Any good game day party is like the animal kingdom. It’s a whole mix of wild characters, from roaring beasts to quiet grazers, and no matter what your friends are like the rest of the year, just about everyone falls into a certain category come game day.
So what beast…err…dog, are you?
1. The Die-Hard Fan
This person is dialed to 11 all day. They’re only quiet when taking a bite, sip, or (hopefully) bathroom break. When their eyes are anywhere near the television, though, they have a loud, strong opinion regarding the most intricate plays, trades, and stats ever to come from the mouth of someone who has never worked for a sports franchise.
They’re likely wearing a jersey and have additional ones to loan out. If they aren’t hosting, they’ll ask a lot of questions about the entertainment system setup ahead of time.
2. The Foodie
This person will cheer for whatever team, so long as there is a good spread. They’re eating the chimichangas, they’re eating the wings, they’re all, “Can you believe this queso dip?” They know that the real winner of the day is their mouth, and the MVP is whoever decided on a sriracha honey glaze.
They respect others’ passions, because, hey, today is their big special day too. When’s the next time they’ll get to see a match-up like this of BBQ, sliders, veggies, Chex mix, and 7-layer dip? Football’s just a means to an end, folks.
3. The Entertainment Enthusiast
This person sees football as a vessel for delivering the best shortest concert of the year along with the greatest commercials the world has seen since last year’s game. They keep score, sure, of the TV spots.
They don’t work in advertising, but this is the one day a year they indulge their marketing senses by knowing and analyzing what made them laugh or tear up. They’ll drop an endless string of highly detailed opinion pieces through the halftime show, covering everything from the fashion to the props to the song selection.
4. The Fake Fan
This person is like the Die Hard without any of the knowledge or credibility. They love watching football and having heated opinions, but their contributions are all pretty much high level.
There’s a chance they only watch football enough to join a crew, talk down to others, and feel some worth in the world. It’s not great, and there’s a good chance they aren’t either, but they own an insane amount of merchandise.
5. The Drunk
This person may love football, but it’s second to booze. They’re drunk by the coin toss, red-faced by halftime, and blackout wild by the final score. Others will make passive-aggressive eye rolls, but this person’s watching the game and enjoying the festivities from another realm.
They’ve got tunnel vision as you wouldn’t believe, and that burrow is collapsing quickly. Their cheers make no sense; their observations are several minutes late, and their threats (to you, the host, the TV, the dog) get punctuated by burps.
6. The Gambler
Money is on the line. No part of them cares what team wins. They just want the right numbers in the party pool. They’ll freak out with enthusiasm if they need a team to score a touchdown or field goal, but then, when their chance floats away, they’ll retreat to their lack of interest.
The food and booze are a fun touch, and the football’s exciting enough, but the day only really matters when they’re about to come into some sweet pool of money. Everything else is child’s play.
7. The Sports Scholar
This person isn’t wearing a jersey, and they’re not there to show off. They know the history of both teams, they know why certain runs get played, and they don’t make a big deal out of it. They’re happy to explain the rules of the game to the local novices because they want everyone to have a good time.
They might’ve played football in high school, or they’ve just always had a genuine appreciation for the game. No matter their background, they know what they’re talking about.
8. The Plus-One
This person came with either a friend or significant other. They want to have fun while making a good impression, whether that means they’re quiet or laughing at all the jokes. The game isn’t on TV – it’s with the people in the living room.
They won’t drink much for fear of getting too wild, and they won’t overeat for fear of seeming like a gross bloated mess. They’re there to win by way of good manners.
9. The Friend
This person is only there to hang out with their friends. They don’t care about football, and they’re indifferent to the food. They just came because it was Sunday and all their friends were at this party.
They’re having a great time conversing throughout the game, or simply people watching. It’s just a fun day, with the chaos, you know? At some point, they might suggest, “We should get together like this for the Oscars.”
10. The Happy-Go-Lucky
This person is practically a party existentialist. They came, but they could’ve just as easily not come. It’s a good enough time, but it would’ve been an equally enjoyable time to nap at home, see a movie, or be at a different party instead.
There was just nothing on their agenda for the day. This is a way to spend time, and they’re totally content. Life is good, and there are many ways to spend a Sunday.