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Tired of all the horrors of New York City, Sasha and Emma sort of join a cult.
- If we were in Maine right now we could be jogging by the ocean or through a forest instead of by piles of bagels and diapers.
- You take one weekend trip, and it's all you talk about. Sasha, if we were in Maine you'd smell like lobster, and I'd be wearing corduroy.
- You've lived here too long. You forget how much nicer other places are, places where they put garbage behind their houses.
- We came here for a reason, to chase the dream and go everywhere Carrie Bradshaw ever ate a salad. Where are we going?
- I don't know, some place that smells like running shoes. North?
- The river is on that side.
- I gotta rest. I got to stop, I got to stop.
- I think we're lost in our own borough.
- What is all this?
- Welcome, we've been waiting for you. ♫ Two small people have a whole lot of feelings ♫ We have more feelings than an onion has feelings ♫ We are always we are always hungry ♫ Eat our feelings ♫ Eat our feelings please Welcome to Serenity.
- I think we're lucid dreaming.
- We should do something cool like fly or have sex with that werewolf from Magic Mike.
- When you say you've been waiting for us you mean in a magical destiny way, right?
- Sure, why not?
- So, you own this place?
- Can you really own land?
- I mean, yeah.
- You're just in time for the harvest of the kale. This is Jax, Wolfgang, Hermina, Amar, and Lulu.
- Is this some kind of sister wife shit?
- The hair says no, but the eye contact say yes.
- Not sister wife, brother husband.
- I don't hate that.
- I'm joking. I mean, we're poly, but you're not invited. No child brides here.
- I hate to break it to you, but you're too old to be a child bride.
- Not emotionally.
- So you guys aren't gonna try and give us some hallucinogenic tea or anything?
- We don't all get matching Nike's?
- You don't understand. This isn't a cult. We're just a bunch of people who didn't want to live like shit anymore.
- We used to be just like you, spending too much on rent, paying someone else to fix our toilet, trying to find meaning in the cruel stare of a barista.
- But, why'd you stay in Brooklyn? Who not move upstate where there's real nature?
- None of us know how to drive.
- And, there are no bodegas. It's like, what if I wanted to buy a lottery ticket in the middle of the night? That's my right as a human being.
- You two are really starting to fit in here, but every member of this family has a role. Jax is our carpenter. Lulu knows Reiki. Amar's parents are rich.
- Yay, pizza is here.
- Pizza? But, you guys are growing so much food here.
- Yeah, but it's just vegetables.
- Chris used to be our cook, but he's no longer with us.
- Oh, like he died?
- No, he got a job at Google.
- You guys cannot eat that.
- No, we're gonna make you lunch from the garden, and you're all gonna like it.
- We're gonna prove that we can be valuable members of this community.
- And if all else fails, we'll be wet nurses or something.
- She's gonna take that back when she figures out what it means. We'll make lunch!
- We've been waiting for you.
- Sometimes you wander into definitely not cult in what seems to be a public park.
- And look, maybe you like that feeling of community. Maybe it's a welcome change after years of only hanging out with one person.
- Kale and cabbage are actually very closely related, but for some reason we think of kale as a fancy person food.
- Kale is for people who do Pilates.
- While cabbage is for people that wear handkerchiefs instead of hats.
- But, it's time to stop being so classist about our cruciferous vegetables.
- So, today we're going to show you just how delicious cabbage can be. We'll be grilling it and serving it with a roasted red pepper sauce.
- And, a massaged Kale salad with butternut squash and a tangy peanut dressing.
- Let's start by quartering the cabbage. We're gonna liberally douse this in oil, then about a teaspoon of salt, and coat them until they're nice and slippery. Those are done.
- And, I've done the same thing with our butternut squash that's been peeled and sliced. Let's take them over to the grill.
- All right.
- So, for this squash you're just looking for grill marks on either side, soft enough that you can pierce it with a fork.
- You don't need to be delicate with the cabbage. You can really beat it up. You want charred on every side. Wait 'til it gets black, then flip it over.
- Cabbage likes it rough, the squash is a little more delicate, but we'll check on these babies in a minute.
- Let's get going on the dressing. This peanut dressing is a little tangy, a little sweet, and super versatile. It's got peanut butter, olive oil, mustard, a little bit of Sriracha.
- Although, the great thing about this recipe is you can swap out things for other things, so if you have a preferred hot sauce go ahead and throw that in.
- Rice vinegar, soy sauce, all right this guy is, sometimes I got to smell it to know what it is. Oh yeah, that's agave.
- [Sasha] You can also use maple syrup.
- I love sesame oil. It really kicks the flavor up. That's an obnoxious thing to say, "kicks the flavor up," but it does.
- She's right.
- A little bit of garlic powder. Okay, let's whisk it, and that's really it. It's such an easy dressing. Want to taste?
- Yeah. Tangy and delicious.
- That's good.
- These are ready to flip. Oh yeah.
- That's a good one right there. Oh, get in there.
- All right, just a couple of more minutes. Now, let's get our kale ready.
- To de-stem kale, all you have to do is pull from the base of the kale to the tip.
- Do you talk to your mother with that mouth?
- Yeah, I do. Okay, so I'm ripping it into bite size pieces.
- [Sasha] Base to tip.
- I'm so sorry mom and dad, we're gross.
- So, now we have to massage the kale. Kale is like your bookish boyfriend who carries around a messenger bag full of David Foster Wallace novels and never switches shoulders.
- Uneven distribution of weight.
- But, if you massage it with a fatty and acidic salad dressing the fiber breaks down and the leaves become tender.
- Just like your boyfriend. Work those hand muscles. The kale is feeling so much better already. Some people don't like kale, 'cause they think it's too tough. They're gonna like this. Probably, not everybody.
- We don't know, we haven't met everybody, but most people.
- What do you expect from us?
- Okay, let's cut up the apple, the avocado, and the chives.
- The great thing about salads is you can always add in your favorite ingredients if you think they're missing.
- Totally, dress it up or down. It's like a wrap dress on a makeover show. Apple, avocado. Oh, we've also got these crushed peanuts. Remembers to wash your hands before you do this.
- [Sasha] Very important step.
- [Emma] Tongs are for weenies.
- [Sasha] So good.
- [Emma] That's it.
- [Sasha] Let's go grab those vegetables from the grill.
- These look great.
- Yeah, I think they're done.
- Got a nice char.
- Let's get them plated up. Here we have our almost finished plate, our charred purple cabbage, our kale salad with peanut dressing, grilled butternut squash on top.
- We're going to sauce the cabbage with a really great roasted red pepper and sunflower seed cream. We made this earlier in the day. If you don't have time to make a sauce, use barbecue sauce, that works great. Spread that on there. Yeah.
- [Sasha] Beautiful. Crispy on the outside.
- If you are not working with a grill, you can roast your cabbage. It'll taste great. It won't have exactly the same texture, because this is still fresh and crisp in the middle whereas if you roast it, it'll be soft all the way through, but still great.
- [Sasha] So good.
- That's a big piece of kale. I'm gonna put it all in my mouth.
- Do it. Well, I guess we better plate the rest of this up and bring it to our new friends.
- They're gonna sister wife us so hard.
- Nope, brother husband.
- We thank Emma and Sasha for this delicious food, and we welcome you to our family. Now, before we eat let us engage in our most treasured tradition. Everyone please go around and say one nice thing about me.
- Guys, come on. If I'm gonna be leader we have to do stuff like this. I'm just asking for a simple compliment is all.
- Fine. Ralph always makes sure the cell phones are plugged in before bed.
- You do that one every time.
- Ralph has cool shoes.
- Thank you.
- Ralph is not very tall.
- Ralph read my one woman show, and is letting me do it here.
- I said we'd talk about it, and you?
- Oh. Ralph, I don't know you that well, but it seems like you know how to buy pants that fit, and that's a rare quality in a man.
- Ralph, your voice reminds me of my grandfather which is good or bad depending on how you look at it.
- Thank you for your heartfelt compliments. Now, let us eat.
- This is better than pizza.
- So, how did you all find each other?
- Did it have something to do with the moon cycle? That's how Sasha and I met.
- Tampon aisle.
- Kind of. We all lived in the same building in Fort Green.
- I was in charge of organizing the trash room, so it made sense for me to be the leader.
- Apartment living just wasn't for us.
- Oh, you mean because of gentrification and a rapidly changing Brooklyn?
- Sort of.
- We had bed bugs.
- But, they're gone now, right? We're burning all our clothes.
- I could never live there anyway. Their hugs are too genuine.
- Yeah, and I don't think they have Netflix. How are we gonna watch Gilmore Girls?
- Where do you think they pooped in there?
- [Emma] By the compost pile, really not that bad.
- [Sasha] You pooped, and I didn't even notice?
- [Emma] The kid was braiding your hair. Really good at French braids, tiny fingers. Did you think Ralph was kind of cute?
- [Sasha] Are you serious? Is that a joke? ♫ Can't help it ♫ Can't help it ♫ Can't help it ♫ Can't help it ♫ I don't really want to ♫ I don't really want to ♫ Can't help it ♫ Can't help it ♫ Can't help it ♫ Can't help it
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