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Both Emma and Sasha have first dates on the same night. Hilarity ensues as neuroses take over.
- [Woman On Television] It's a look patients get in their eyes. There's a scent, a smell of death.
- Emma. Emma, you're anxiety eating, what's going on?
- I'm not anxiety eating, I'm storing up my strength. I have a date with Micah tonight.
- You should be excited! Be more excited!
- Dating is hard and dumb, but it's been like a really long time since somebody's touched me on purpose, so.
- Where you guys going?
- He's coming here, and he's bringing the snacks because I'm a lady and I deserve the best.
- Is he aware of your dietary restrictions?
- What do you mean?
- Did you tell him that brie is murder?
- No, I don't want him to think I'm high-maintenance.
- But you are.
- Well sure, but he doesn't need to know that until after he's in love with me and it's too late.
- [Woman On Phone] Where are my dragons?
- Oh I'm gonna be sick.
- Did you find a human tooth in the goji berries? That happened to my friend once.
- No, weirder. John wants to get drinks with me tonight.
- Hot John from the internet?
- He's like a real grownup man with a job and a reading list.
- Sasha, we both have dates tonight. That's like seeing a shooting star over the birth of an albino alligator. Very rare, almost suspect.
- Oh, I'm gonna barf. My stomach rejects food when I'm nervous. Get out of here, grapes!
- Sasha, you need to eat something. Don't be crazy.
- I'll have some tea.
- That's the opposite of eating.
- The opposite of eating is vomiting, which I'm trying to avoid.
- You're gonna get drunk off one sniff of Merlot.
- Oh please, I'm not 26, I can handle myself.
- Fine, have it your way. May the best neuroses win.
- I will have a snack if you tell your guy that barbecue makes you cry.
- Oh, that's not coming out til date six at the earliest.
- Great, well, enjoy Micah's giant log of salami. I mean the actual salami he's going to bring over because he doesn't know you don't eat salami.
- You're disgusting.
- You're disgusting. ♫ Two small people have a whole lot of feelings, ♫ We have more feelings than an onion has peelings, ♫ We are always, we are always hungry.
- Eat our feelings.
- Eat our feelings, please!
- Who wants antipasti?
- Mm, mm, mm, mm. Try the Gruyere, it's fantastic.
- Mm I bet this came out of somebody's udders. Delicious.
- You know, I didn't really peg you as the action movie type.
- Oh, yeah, I love explosions, and violence. I'm just like a tomboy at heart or whatever. Chillin' cool.
- Try this. I made it for you.
- What are you doing?
- Now it's your turn to have the cracker. I'm a vegan, okay?
- But you've been eating this stuff for an hour. Is that?
- [Emma] Secret pillow meat?
- Why didn't, why didn't you tell me?
- You brought all this food.
- But I should've asked, it's my fault. This isn't that big of a deal.
- It's not? Maybe let's both rinse our mouths out first, just for fun.
- Wait, what?
- I'm sorry, I totally wanna mouth kiss you, like tongue and everything, it's just, you ate all that meat and I don't want your sausage death particles getting all mixed up in my mouth.
- I mean there's other things we could do.
- Are you trying to Pretty Woman me?
- Tell me what that is and I'll tell you if I'm doing it.
- Adorable, toothy prostitute Julia Roberts will kiss charming but emotionally distant tycoon Richard Gere anywhere but the mouth, because she doesn't wanna get attached.
- Yeah, I'm Pretty Womaning you?
- Do you think I'm a prostitute?
- You would be the most high-maintenance prostitute ever.
- I would be a super classy prostitute with excellent values and a tiny carbon footprint, and furthermore, sex work.
- I love salty margaritas, it's like having a mouthful of boozy ocean water. Like this is what mermaids drink for sure. But then what does that make you? A merman?
- I guess.
- Male mermaids are extremely underrepresented-ed, in the media. It's a problem.
- You seem less drunk online.
- I'm not drunk, I'm chipsy, tipsy. It's only because I didn't eat today, for you! You're welcome.
- For me?
- Okay, don't flatter yourself, merman. Nobody's that cute.
- Sasha, I think you're really nice,
- That's because I am. Nice and boring. I wanna watch you read historical fiction.
- I think I'm gonna go.
- No, wait! Gimme a chance to sober up. Mm, crumbs! See? So not drunk! So not choking.
- I'm gonna call you a cab.
- You're calling the cops? Why do I have so many keys?
- What happened to you?
- He thought I was a party mermaid, in a bad way. You know what, it's his loss, because mermaids know where to get the best lobster rolls, am I right? I'm fine. What is all this?
- This is a pile of future farts, my friend. Broccoli and cauliflower ready for roasting.
- Where's what's-his-name?
- He tried to Pretty Woman me.
- Oh my god!
- I know!
- You would make such an annoying prostitute.
- Alright, okay, are you gonna help with dinner or not?
- Well, since you're the only one I'm breathing on tonight, I could make the garlic sauce.
- Ooh, we're gonna reek. Let's get cooking.
- I'm pretty drunk.
- Welcome to "Eat Our Feelings." Tonight, we'll be making food that celebrates being single, sassy, and a little bit stinky. I'm doing roasted broccoli and cauliflower with an herb and pistachio pesto.
- And I'll be making a very offensive garlic sauce based on a recipe originally from Lebanese.
- Don't tell me how to live my life! I'll be serving it with some roasted tomatoes and some crusty sourdough.
- And perhaps some of us should keep drinking water.
- So patronizing.
- For my recipe, you'll need one head each cauliflower and broccoli, one bunch parsley, one bunch cilantro, one half cup pistachios, one half cup toasted pumpkin seeds, one teaspoon ground cumin, the juice and zest of one half a lime, one tablespoon agave, extra virgin olive oil, salt and pepper to taste, and about a cup of raw spinach, chopped. I've preheated the oven to 400 degrees. Now, we're going to cut these guys into florets, toss them lightly in olive oil and salt, and get them into the oven. I'm gonna wash my hands.
- And I'm gonna get these veggies onto a baking sheet with some parchment paper.
- Let's throw these guys into the oven for about 40 minutes. Now it's pesto time. But there's no basil here.
- This isn't your grandmother's pesto.
- Though I'm sure your grandmother makes a lovely pesto. We're using cilantro and parsley. First, we'll pulse the pistachios and the pumpkin seeds in the blender. Now I'll add the cilantro and parsley, roughly chopped, the juice and zest of the lime, the agave, a half a cup of oil, and we'll blend that until smooth. Add salt and pepper to taste, and if you find that your pesto's a little too thick, you can add some oil to loosen it up. We're gonna put this in the fridge til it's ready to go. Thank you, and I'm adding spinach at the last minute. I decided not to put garlic in here cause Sasha's recipe is garlicky enough for everyone. In the world. Sash, you ready to show us how to destroy villages in a single breath?
- Oh, I'm ready. The question is, are you? Ready? If so, you will need, a fourth a cup of peeled garlic cloves, three fourths a teaspoon of salt, a fourth a cup of olive oil, three fourths a cup canola oil, four tablespoons lemon juice, two cups of grape tomatoes and some crusty sourdough bread. Before I get started on the sauce, I'm going to toss these grape tomatoes in some olive oil, salt and pepper, I'm just gonna stick them in the oven right below your veggies for about 20 minutes, also at 400. These will be a great match for our super flavorful sauce. See you soon guys, have fun at school! We're going to start by adding our garlic cloves and salt into the food processor, and blending until smooth. I'm using a small food processor for this recipe because with this sauce, a little goes a long way. What we have here is a blend of olive oil and canola oil. You can really use a lot of different kinds of oil. I like olive oil because it adds flavor. So what we're gonna do is add two tablespoons of oil and blend completely. So we're going to cut our lemon and add a tablespoon of juice. Next, you're going to repeat these two steps, adding two tablespoons of oil and a tablespoon of lemon juice, back and forth until you use them all up, making sure to blend completely each time. You're going to be blending for awhile, but luckily, I've got some finished sauce right here. When it's done, it should be stiff and white, and very, very pungent.
- The vegetables are done! Oh hey, the kitchen's clean!
- Oh, neat!
- Now, you can tell these are ready because they're fork tender and kinda brown. I've torn up the spinach, we've got the pesto, and the veggies, they're all gonna get tossed together, that'll be that. Gonna throw in the spinach, which will wilt a little bit, along with the warm vegetables, and then the pesto. You're gonna have extra pesto, because whenever you make pesto, you should make extra. And then, like magic,
- It's a meal!
- [Emma] So easy, so stinky.
- Remember, no kissing for 24 hours after eating.
- Shall we?
- Yeah. Mm
- You know what would make this better?
- Yes, I do.
- [Man On Television] You really didn't know?
- [Woman On Television] I had no clue whatsoever.
- We smell like burning garbage.
- 10 out of 10, mega babes.
- [Man On Television] No way Jenny, I'm a cannibal!
- [Woman On Television] Not again!
- [Television Announcer] Coming up next on Cheaper by the Hatchet
- [Man On Television] I guess I'm just too nice of a guy.
- [Woman On Television] I thought you were gonna serve her the puttanesca.
- [Man On Television] Puttanesca? I hardly know her?
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