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- Today I'm dressed like royalty, because I want to see what it's like to eat like the queen of England for a day. I got my gold utensils ready, let's do it. Before doing any research, I assumeD the Queen Elizabeth the second's meals were made of elaborate dishes, on lavish spreads, but in fact, it's quite the opposite. She does a very disciplined diet. It's very particular and very interesting. She eats four meals a day, very small portions. Absolutely no garlic and very little onion, and tries to avoid starches as much as possible. So no side of potato, bread, pasta, rice, unless it's her tea time. In that case she has sandwiches. And the best part of it all, she has one slice of cake every single day. Mm-hmm. This queen is qwa-een. Let's start the day off with some tea. The queen usually prefers Darjeeling, or Earl Grey like I have today. Yes, I am drinking out of myself. What else would a queen do? Before the queen gets to eat her breakfast, the royal horses and dogs must eat. I don't have any horses, but I do have an Oreo Mudpie. They prefer carrots, peeled, and cut to finger length. For breakfast, some of her favorites are toast with jam, or Kellogg's corn flakes. I'm already a huge fan of her diet. Pure basic goodness. I'm not sure where to put my arms. Definitely no elbows. I don't know how to eat proper, and I also don't think she eats with gloves, but this is the fanciest I'll ever feel. Mm. Fresh fruit is a must, and the way she eats bananas and pears is anything but ordinary. Let's start with a banana. So she'll take a fork and a knife and actually cut off the ends. If there is a more elegant way to do this, I'd love to learn because I am already struggling. All right, next thing she'll do is slice open the peel, and then yeah, you guessed it. Slice little bits with the knife and fork. Same goes for the pear, fork and knife. She slices off the top. Gotta go with the hand. And scoop out the fruit. And that's breakfast. Must bit of tea, and off to work. Like responding to letters from the public. OMFG, someone go and make her president. I'm the queen now, I'm much more important. That golden spoon is everything. Duh, I'm the queen now. I only eat with golden spoons. Does it bother anyone else the way she pronounces salmon? Ever think if it bothers me the way you pronounce salmon? We should baby oil up and slide across each other. Old Jen might've done that, but I'm the queen now. I don't do that. Another duty includes a knighting ceremony. I knight thee Sir Oreo Mudpie. You may have your chicken now. It is rumored that the queen has four cocktails a day. That is not true. They mixed her up with me. Instead, she does have one. A gin and Dubonnet pre lunch cocktail. I'm choosing to have my cocktail outside today. I'm the queen, I have no shame. Hello, good morning. After cocktail comes balance with a simple protein and veggies. The queen prefers fish or chicken. Zucchinis, or as they say, courgettes, are the queen's favorite vegetable, along with some wilted greens. After lunch the queen might like a walk in the park. But I have a much more important duty, picking up Sir Oreo Mudpie's doodies. Let's just say I'm truffle hunting. Whew, feeling quite famished from all that activity, and it's time to replenish with tea time. You get tea sandwiches with crusts cut off, of course. Some cucumber, egg, smoked salmon, scones with jam and clotted cream. And of course, tea. Okay, which sandwich? Uh, the egg.
- [Man] Hey, aren't you supposed to eat that like, delicately? You know, like a lady? See, that's why you need to slow
- Watch this, combo, oh snap! You see that? Mm hmm, Mm hmm. During this time of the day, the queen might enjoy watching some TV, or movies, or a nice crossword puzzle. Or in my case, watch someone do a crossword puzzle. Dinner time, very simple again. Just a protein and some vegetables. In this case, some lamb, which is one of my favorites, but she likes her meat, brace yourselves, well done. Some more zucchini and mushrooms seasoned with just marmite. This is a yeasty extract spread. I'm not so excited about the well done meat, but it is a lamb chop. My only wish is that I really had it made like the queen and have someone else prepare all my meals. 'Cause I made all of these today. Mm, mm! I'm excited for dessert though, cause I didn't make it! Chocolate biscuit cake, prepared by my pastry chef, Leo. It's made with some biscuits, or as well in North America, cookies! Some melted chocolate, a lot of it, covered with chocolate on top of chocolate, and the queen has a slice of this almost every single day. I got chocolate on my glove! I'm dirty ass not meant for royalty. I could eat a slice of this every day. Fun fact, when the queen has to be away from the palace, she actually requests that this travels with her so she can have a little slice of it. Second fun fact, she likes to eat cold fruit out of Tupperware. The day's not over. Just before bed time, she has a glass of champagne. Cheers to that! This is the life. I may not be a queen, but I sure feel like one. Don't, don't. I don't accept kisses on the lips anymore, I'm the queen.